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Sloppy Drunks

Nobody likes a sloppy drunk, stinkin' up the room like a stinky skunk
Fall on your face and your head goes 'clunk,' things spin around throw up in your bunk
Nobody likes a sloppy drunk, stinkin' up the room like a stinky skunk
Nobody likes sloppy drunks

My Uncle he came over Christmas night and ate up all our food
That wouldn't be so bad but then he went and drank up all the booze
He went and cussed my papa, now that was downright rude
You get liquored up in my house, son, I'm gonna hafta read you the news

Nobody likes a sloppy drunk, stinkin' up the room like a stinky skunk
Fall on your face and your head goes 'clunk,' things spin around throw up in your bunk
Nobody likes a sloppy drunk, stinkin' up the room like a stinky skunk
Nobody likes sloppy drunks

Was down at the Round-Up Bar one night, was gettin' on about two
Seen this cowboy, he was arm and arm with my old friend Betty Lou
He ordered up a round of drinks he was actin' up a fool
He was rippin' up on her dress and hittin' on her too
Nothing gets me more riled up than a cowboy actin' rude
So I grabbed him up by the scruff of the neck and yes, I read that boy the news

Nobody likes a sloppy drunk, stinkin' up the room like a stinky skunk
Fall on your face and your head goes 'clunk,' things spin around throw up in your bunk
Nobody likes a sloppy drunk, stinkin' up the room like a stinky skunk
Nobody likes sloppy drunks

Read that boy the news
Yee-ha!
Come on now, go and get 'em
Yeah, I know you don't like 'em neither
Ain't that the truth
Come on

Nobody likes a sloppy drunk (Read that boy the news)
Stinkin' up the room like a stinky skunk (Read that boy the news)
Fall on your face and your head goes 'clunk' (Read that boy the news)
Things spin around throw up in your bunk (Read that boy the news)
Nobody likes sloppy drunks (Read that boy the news)

Nobody likes a sloppy drunk, (Read that boy the news)
Stinkin' up the room like a stinky skunk (Read that boy the news)
Nobody likes sloppy drunks (Read that boy the news)

Come on now

Nobody likes a sloppy drunk (Read that boy the news)
Stinkin' up the room like a stinky skunk (Read that boy the news)
Fall on your face and your head goes 'clunk' (Read that boy the news)
Things spin around throw up in your bunk (Read that boy the news)
Nobody likes a sloppy drunk (Read that boy the news)
Stinkin' up the room like a stinky skunk (Read that boy the news)

Nobody likes sloppy drunks (Read that boy the news)

Yee-hoo!

Railroad Blues

All aboard, track seventeen - all aboard
Yee-ha

This song is dedicated to all the hardworking pioneers of this country
Settin' out discoverin the West
Bringing the railroad to where no man has ever been before

Johnny, he worked on the railroad - pounding on iron and steel
Working his way out west now - the only sure thing's his next meal
America was young, but she was a-growing
Layin' tracks across the prairie not knowing where they're goin'
His momma didn't want him leaving, but now he's headin' out west
She said "Please don't go" but he said "If I don't I'll never rest"
It wasn't always easy, some of the boys died
Johnny wrote her letters but he received no replies

Johnny, he worked on the railroad - pounding on iron and steel
Working his way out west now - the only sure thing's his next meal

Johnny reached San Francisco tired and broke without a dime
Started panning for gold just a-hoping he would find
The gold wasn't a-rushin', but Johnny kept on minin'
Trying to send his momma somethin' with the letters he was signin'
And one day Johnny finally got a reply
When he opened Momma's letter, he began to cry
She's a-writing from her deathbed and this is what she said:
"Please don't be mad at me, son, cause tomorrow I'll be dead"

Johnny, he worked on the railroad - pounding on iron and steel
Working his way out west now - the only sure thing's his next meal

Ah-ha!
Ah-ha!
Ha!

We Can Do This

Listen here lady, got somethin' to tell ya
I'm out on the road and I'm goin' nowhere
Lookin' to find (lookin' to find)
Some ah, peace of mind (peace of mind)
Been a-cheatin' and boozin', playin' my music
Seems all my life I've been ah, looking for something by and by (by and by)
Why can't I see the signs (see the signs)
Turned my back on your lovin' cause I wasn't thinkin'
You're gonna burn me and leave me all broken and high and dry (high and dry)
I cannot tell a lie (tell a lie)
What's the point in playin' these games when we could be lovin'
Holding each other ah, hand in hand (hand in hand)
All we need's a plan (need's a plan)

We can do this if we try, try hard enough to fall in love
We can do this if we try, reach stars in heavens above
We can do this if we try, try hard enough to fall in love
Oh darlin'now please don't you cry, reach stars in heavens above

Now listen here lady, I've been gone for a while
Things are changin' since I've been around
Bein' with you (being with you)
With your lovin' too (lovin' too)
Now I was born a travelin' man
America is the beautiful land
And I'm on the road (on the road)
Just a-pullin' my load (he's pulling his load)
I've been beggin' done me no wrong
Livin' this lifestyle ah, much too long
That's ah, all I know (all I know)
A-going show to show (show to show)
One last time, a second chance
It's not too late for a beautiful romance
I just a need you (I need you)
Tell me what to do (what to do)
Ooo!

We can do this if we try, try hard enough to fall in love
We can do this if we try, reach stars in heavens above
We can do this if we try, try hard enough to fall in love
Oh darlin' now please don't you cry, thank stars in heavens above

Darlin'...come on, darlin'
I know what you're thinkin'
I know I done some things right, and I done some things wrong
You know ever since I was born, country music's all I know
And the road has been my life
Drinkin' whiskey and playin' music, that was always my wife

We can do this if we try, try hard enough to fall in love
We can do this if we try, reach stars in heavens above
We can do this if we try, try hard enough to fall in love
Oh darlin'now please don't you cry, thank stars in heavens above

Country Delight

Woo!
Well I am Country Mike and I'd like to say hello
To the black, the white, the red and the green, the purple and yellow
But first I gotta bang-bang, stomp my boots, movin' to the country beat
Catfish and corn bread is what I love to eat
But so far ya heard my voice, yes it ain't no riddle
Right now I'm gonna introduce my man Slim on the fiddle
Yee-hah!
Woo!
Ah-ha!
Come on now boys
Well - ranch house, barnyard, at the ro-day-o
Ranch house feel lot actin' up c'mon, now dosey-do
Say C-O-U-N-T-R-Y to all the people's delight
I go by the unforgettable name of the man they call-a Country Mike
My name is known all over the world, by the cityfolk and the cowgirl
I'm going down in history as the baddest cowboy there ever could be
Got Greg on the bass, Slim on the fiddle
I got the down home music and you're partin' in the middle
Woo
Just throw your hands up in the air
While you're dancin' to the beat shake your derriere
See yee-hah! - yee-hah!
Say yee-hah! C'mon
Yee-hah!
Yeah Mike
Yee-hah - sounds good
Ah-hah!

Don't Let the Air Out of My Tires

Ah-ha!
Yeah this is dedicated to all you backstabbing fools out there
There's gonna be hell to pay I catch up with you
Think I don't know? I know what you're up to!
Yeah pretty boys...

Don't let the air outta my tires - hoo-hoo
Don't like dealin' with no liars - hoo-hoo
I'm not the type to turn a blind eye
When you're asleep I'm gonna catch you guy

Don't pass me boy you got a-something to say
Go tell 'em now on a rainy day
Talk is cheap, yours ain't worth a dime
Jump on my back I'm gonna whip your behind
Got eyes in the back of my head and ears for miles
You're gonna pay the piper with your lyin' smile
You tried to knock a train off the track
You shaved my head and then stabbed me in the back
Four days in a row and my tires is flat
I pity the fool and I'm-a trap that rat
When I catch that pretty boy, I tell ya what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna hitch him on my pickup truck and make him pay his dues
Don't let the air outta my tires - hoo-hoo

Don't like dealin' with no liars - hoo-hoo
I'm not the type to turn a blind eye
When you're asleep I'm gonna catch you guy

Play a solo

Messin' with me like something you never had
Like a buckin' bull when I get mad
Hit 'em with my truck and you get high
You can run whenever you want, but you're gettin' hogtied
Messin' with me you're gonna pay a price
It happens all the time, son, and I ain't that nice

Don't let the air outta my tires - hoo-hoo
Don't like dealin' with no liars - hoo-hoo
I'm not the type to turn a blind eye
When you're asleep I'm gonna catch you guy

One more time now boys!

Don't let the air outta my tires - hoo-hoo
Don't like dealin' with no liars - hoo-hoo
I'm not the type to turn a blind eye
When you're asleep I'm gonna catch you guy

Hoo-hoo!

How Do You Mend An Achin' Heart

Try within you never really can repair what hurts inside
Still remember when the good times rolled and you still had your pride
Just when you think you got your lesson learned
You're going for love and you get burned

How do you mend an achin' heart, when there's too many holes to fill
Follow me down to the boathouse and drown in the old river swill

Hard to resist the passion in the heat of the night
Couldn't see enough of her, now I can't stand her sight
Wasn't even lookin' when you came along
Seems like just yesterday when I sang you a song
That don't make no blue kind of tape in me
Nothing's gonna stop this old heart a-bleedin'

How do you mend achin' heart's been so many years
Guess I'll go drink a riverbed, just drown myself in tears

How do you mend an achin' heart, when there's too many holes to fill
Follow me down to the boathouse and drown in the old river swill

Yaaaa-eeee-yaaah
Yaah yaah yaah yaah
Yaah yaah yaah
Yaah yaah yaah yaah

One Song A Night

Ain't no one tell me what to do
I wrote this special song from me to you
Ain't got no time to mess around
Put a smile on your face and lose that frown
Put a little country in your heart
That will give you a fresh start
Cause with me writin' songs just ain't that hard
Just readin' you the news with my gee-tar

I write one song a night, I say one song a night
It makes me feel good the next morning, feel good my whole life
I write one song a night, I say one song a night
Music is my lady and my gee-tar is my life

Without Country Mike what would you do?
You need my songs like I need you
Everyone has got their special place
If yours ain't country get out my face
Can't take a man out the country can't you see
Keep your city-slickin' hands off of me
A day just ain't a day without a song
I been hootin' and a hoo-ing and hollerin' all night long
Ah-hah!

I write one song a night, I say one song a night
Feel good the next morning, feel good my whole life
I write one song a night, I say one song a night
Cause music is my lady and my gee-tar is my wife

Country Christmas

Now, I'd like to thank the Lord Jesus Christ for helpin' my family gather around here today and puttin' all this great food on our table and I just hope He's just as generous to all the other fine country families out there on this special day.

We're havin' a country Christmas - I hope you'll have one too
Santa Claus is bakin' biscuits - what did he bake for you?
Daddy's got the fire a-blazin' - it's such a fine sight to see
Now all the cow hands are amazin' - and Santa left a gift for me

It's a country, country Christmas - people are gathered around
Country, country Christmas - baby Jesus is in town

And Santa gave Daddy some whiskey - an iron's what he gave to my mom
I promise ol' Kris Kringle - I write a song a night on my guitar
Turkey with all the fixins' - thank the Lord for all-a my food
For the wise men and the manger - to this game I'll always stay true

Well it's a country, country Christmas - sleigh bells and reindeer
Country, country Christmas - just good old family cheer

Woo!

Look Daddy...Santa came down the chimney and he drank the milk and ate the cookies I left for him. Look, an iron for Maw, see that Daddy? Little whiskey for you...and even left a gift for me! Thank you, Santa...Merry Christmas!
This is a song 'bout an old country singer friend of mine
His name is Kenny Jones
He was a small town legend from Tennessee
He went in search of the big city with some dreams he was lookin' for
But things kind of got off track a bit
But of course you know he's always welcome back, right here to Tennessee
Kenny Jones grew up in a little Tennessee town

When he played the gee-tar and all the people gathered 'round
Been playin' country music since the day that Kenny was born
When he left his Tennessee town with these words to Kenny I did warn
This is what I said:

Who knows all, who knows best
Whether you're in the East, you're in the West
Go get your cowboy boots and your special vest
Cause country music knows the best

Kenny left the Grand Ol' Opry, lookin' for fortune and fame
Packed his bags off to Hollywood, tryin' to make himself a name
Bright lights, big city and Kenny's lookin' for a hit
Tryin' to make some money, but Kenny ain't makin' shit
Well he turned his back on Country, now Kenny's playin' rock and roll
Didn't look where he's going, and Kenny fell into a hole
City's like a railroad car then it went off track
Now he's coming home to Nashville, where Kenny's always welcome back
And this is what we say:

Who knows all, who knows best
Whether you're in the East, you're in the West
Go get your cowboy boots and your special vest
Cause country music knows.........

Country Mike's Theme

Who's Country Mike
I'm Country Mike
Where's Country Mike
Here's Country Mike
Who's Country Mike
Woo!
I'm Country Mike
Yeah Country Mike
I'm Country Mike

Read those boys the news
Read those boys the news
Read those boys the news
Read those boys the news

Who's Country Mike
I'm Country Mike
Where's Country Mike
Here's Country Mike
Here's Country Mike

On Your Way Up Again (the Fowl Song)

My papa done told me: don't put all your eggs in one basket
Because you might be countin' your chickens before they hatch
Which brings us to the question: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
If I knew that, I know why a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
Now we all wanna be free like an eagle
But we also know what it's like when someone flies the coop
And I think that's a real birdseye view of the situation

Once around the corner, once around the bend
When you're on your way up again
Go and tell the grocer, and go and tell your friend
When you're on your way up again

You see the people on the way up, see people on the way down
When you hit rock bottom, only way you can go is up
Now we all know it's real lonely at the top
So don't bite the hand that feeds ya, you just might get burned
Patience is a virtue, so you best wait your turn

Once around the corner, once around the bend
When you're on your way up again
Go and tell the grocer, and go and tell your friend
When you're on your way up again

Do unto others as you want done unto you
One isn't as much as the other, you know that ain't true
Don't get your foot in the door, follow your own way
Don't let the success fool you, you won't go astray
When the shoe is on the other foot and that is how it stands
One of these days I'm takin' the law in my own damn hands

Once around the corner, once around the bend
When you're on your way up again
Go and tell the grocer, and go and tell your friend
When you're on your way up again

The Half-Wit

When Sally was a girl
She was the lonliest soul in grade school
Folks all though she was a half-wit
It was just that...she just didn't like to speak